But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
