yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
