Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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