i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
