I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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