It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
