I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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