Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
