I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
