I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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