They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
