So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
