those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
