he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.