I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively