I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.