Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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