Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize