I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
