You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
