Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
