I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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