I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
