we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Randomize
