i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
