In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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