I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
