he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
