Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
