I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
