Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
