I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
