My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
