Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
