My sheets look like a crime scene.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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