One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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