I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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