We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
