alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
