my sisters under your porch take her home
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
