Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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