and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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