I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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