This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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