Well douche your snatch and let's go!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
