tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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