so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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