you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
