I accidentally burped into my bong.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
