I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
