LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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