So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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