Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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