Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
