Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm both gender and math confused
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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