Will you blow on my dice?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
