Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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