After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
