So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
