Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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