Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
