I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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