I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize