I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Never joke about your clitoris.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
