This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
