my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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