Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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