"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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