The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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